Mourning
by JessicaL27
Summary: How do you get over losing a loved one? Severide, Dawson, Casey, and the rest of 51 deal with the tragic death of Leslie Shay.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Kelly Severide thought the hardest thing he'd ever have to do was bury his best friend.

Her body was in a casket. A casket. It just didn't seem real. He kept waiting for her to move. For her to start laughing and tell everyone it was just a joke. All he wanted was one more conversation. One more hug. He wanted to tell her he loved her.

His mind kept going back to that terrible day. He remembered the terrible fight that they had gotten into about Devon. It was so stupid. He wished he could take it all back. Their last day together should have been happy.

He remembered how he stopped breathing when he saw her lifeless body. Why couldn't he save her? Why wouldn't she start breathing again? He remembered screaming for her. He remembered Casey ripping Shay out of his arms and knowing that she was gone. Her life was over, and a part of him was gone forever.

She was pronounced dead as soon as they arrived at the hospital. His legs collapsed, and he felt two sets of arms grab him. Capp and Hermann supported him and helped into a hospital chair.

"No! Shay! No!" He cried. The one person he needed more than anything was gone. Dead, Shay was dead.

"I'm going to be sick." He said, running to the trash can. After finishing, he kneeled on the ground and put his head into his hands, tears pouring down his face.

"Kelly," he heard Casey say as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let me take you home."

He looked up. Sometime during his meltdown, Antonio had shown up. He was currently holding a sobbing and convulsing Dawson in his arms. This had allowed Casey to try to help his friend in the worst moment of his life.

Kelly shook his head. "No. I want to see her!"

"Kelly, I don't think-"

"I don't care! I want to see her!"

He remembered grabbing her hand and giving it a kiss. "Shay, why did it have to be you! Why? I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you."

He sat by Shay's body for a few more minutes before Casey made him leave. He said Antonio had taken Dawson to his place so Severide was coming home with Casey.

Before he left, he rubbed his thumb down her face. He leaned down and gave her a kiss. "I love you, Shay."

He returned to present day and looked around. Everyone had someone. Everyone but him. His person was gone.

Before they closed the casket, Severide grabbed her hand one last time. He leaned down and kissed her just like he did that day at the hospital. Tears poured down his face knowing that this was the last time he would ever see his best friend.

"You were the best friend I could ever have. I love you so much, Leslie Shay, and I will never forget you."

After the funeral and burial were over, Chief Boden pulled him aside.

"Leslie Shay was one of the kindest, loving people I ever met. I know that she loved you very much."

He nodded. "I loved her more than anyone."

"Kelly, if you need anything, let me know. I mean it, anytime, any day. My door is always open."

"Thanks, Chief."

He had to get out of here. He ran to his car, but was stopped by Casey before he could get in.

"We're going to Molly's to celebrate Shay. Do you want a ride?"

"No. Casey, I can't. I can't stay here. I need to leave."

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here."

He put his key in the ignition and drove away. He didn't know where he was going or how long he would be there, but he knew his life would never be the same.

Kelly Severide thought the hardest thing he would ever have to do was bury his best friend. He was wrong. The hardest part was just beginning. He was going to have to live his life without Leslie Shay.

Hey everyone! I am completely devastated by Shay's death. This story will be a few chapters about how members of 51, especially Severide, mourn and start to build a life without Shay.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Taking Leslie Shay's body out of that building will haunt Matthew Casey for the rest of his life.

He knew she was gone the second he saw her. There was too much blood loss. No one survives that kind of head trauma.

The last thing he wanted to do was take Shay away from Severide and Dawson, but they had to get her body out of the building. It took all of his strength to pull Gabby off of Shay. All he wanted to do was break down especially hearing Severide's heartbreaking pleas for his best friend.

Casey, Mounch, Cruz, and Otis carried her out to the ambulance. They were all fighting back tears as they watched the ambulance drive away.

Casey and the others went back into the building one last time to help Dawson and Severide. Severide didn't say a word, and Dawson was crying.

"We're going to take you to the hospital," Casey said to Severide, trying to lift him to his feet.

"No," he screamed. "Get off of me!"

"We have to get you out of here."

"Like you took Shay? You took her away from me Casey!"

Casey wanted to cry. He wanted to collapse in tears along with Severide and Dawson, but he couldn't. He walked over to Dawson and convinced her to get on her feet. He basically carried her out of the building as she was sobbing and could barely walk.

The other firemen grabbed the lieutenant and pulled him to his feet against his will.

"He didn't let me save her. He took her from me. Shay! I need her to come back!"

"Severide," Otis said, after pulling him to his feet, "She was already gone. I know that this hurts like hell, but you can't stay here."

The men dragged Severide out of the building not saying a word. They knew that their lives would never be the same.

As Firehouse 51 headed to the hospital to grieve for their friend, Antonio Dawson and the Intelligence Unit were getting ready to chase down a lead.

"Antonio," Voight shouted. "Have you talked to your sister today?"

"No," he said. "Why?"

"They were in a building that exploded. I heard that both a fireman and a paramedic were injured."

Antonio raced to his car. On the way to the hospital he tried his sister's cell, but no answer. Then he tried Casey's. No answer, either.

"Come on, Gabby! Please be okay!"

The scene at the hospital was something he'd never forget. He had seen his share of death, but this was different. Severide was having a breakdown and the rest of the firemen were either crying or fighting back tears.

He saw Gabby in the corner. Casey was holding her as her body was convulsing.

"Gabby," he said, running over to her. "What happened?"

"The b-building... The beam...it hit S- S- Shay. I couldn't save her!"

He took Dawson out of Casey's arms, and he wrapped his arms around her. As Casey went to help Severide, Antonio held his sister for deal life.

"I'm so sorry, Gabby. I know how much Shay meant to you."

"She's dead, Antonio! My best friend is dead!"

He held her for a few more minutes before convincing her to let him take her home. On the way out, he whispered to Casey that he was taking his sister to his place. Before they walked out, he saw Gabby lean down and put her hand on Severide's shoulder. The lieutenant locked eyes with her. Neither one said anything, but they were both thinking the same thing. They both lost the most important person in their lives, and Antonio didn't know if either one would recover.

After Severide and Dawson were taken home, the doctor came out to let them know that Mills would be fine. He was awake if anyone wanted to talk to him.

"Chief," Herrmann said, his face wet with tears, "He doesn't know about Shay."

"I'll go tell him," he said.

"No," Herrmann said, "Why don't you let Mounch take you home? We'll go tell him," he said, looking at Cruz and Otis.

Walking into Peter Mills' hospital room knowing that they were about to break his heart was excruciating, especially after Mills' face lit up when they walked into the room.

"Hey guys," he said. "The doctors said I'm fine. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"We're really glad you're okay," Otis said as the three other firemen exchanged looks.

"What's going on?" He asked. Then he remembered that Dawson and Shay were still missing when he was carried out of the building.

"Are Dawson and Shay okay?"

When the others didn't answer he knew something was wrong. "Gabby, did something happen to Gabby?"

"No, Mills," Cruz said, "Dawson is fine. But when the building exploded, there was a beam that came down..." He couldn't finish.

"The beam hit Shay," Herrmann finished. "She's gone, Mills."

The news hit Mills like a ton of bricks. "No," he said. "No. Not Shay." He put his head into his hands and let the tears fall down his face as the three other men supported him.

"Dawson... She has to be a wreck now. And Severide. Oh God, Severide."

"Yeah, it was pretty brutal watching them," Otis said. "They kept trying to revive her even though she was gone. Casey had to pull her out of their arms." He wiped tears away from his face. "Severide kept yelling for her to wake up."

"Why?" Mills asked. "Why did this happen?"

"I don't know," Herrmann said. "I don't know. Look, you need your rest. How about we come back tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Will you let me know about the arrangements?"

As they left, Mills felt his body start to shake and more tears fell down his cheeks. He wasn't that close with Shay, but she was a beautiful, wonderful person who was so full of life and love. If he was feeling this sad, then he couldn't imagine the pain that Dawson and Severide were experiencing. Shay was the one that held everyone together. Could Firehouse 51 really survive?

I know that Dawson wasn't featured much in this chapter, but she will be later. I had to write this chapter to set things up for the future. Please review and let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

It took everything Gabriella Dawson had just to make it through the day. She went to work, went to therapy, and then went to bed. She sometimes had dinner with Antonio. She liked spending time with him- he didn't make her talk. She could just sit there and stare into space if she wanted, and he would just sit with her.

Casey was different. He wanted her to talk to him about Shay, about her grief. She couldn't. She couldn't tell Casey that it was her fault Shay was dead.

That night Casey was helping Severide finish packing up his house. She was having dinner and staying with Antonio that night. She wanted to give Severide space while he moved in. She hadn't seen him since the funeral, and she really just didn't know what to say.

Just then there was a knock on her door. Confused, she made her way to the living room and the front door. She wasn't expecting anyone.

She was shocked when she opened the door, and Peter Mills was standing in front of her.

"Mills, what are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to come check on you. Can I come in?"

She let him in curious as to why he felt he needed to come over. They weren't that close anymore.

"So..." He said, not knowing where to start. He wanted to be there for her, but what could he say? He didn't think, "Sorry your best friend and partner died," would help.

"You're going to start your first shift as a firefighter soon. Are you excited?"

She shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you still want to be a fireman?"

She turned and looked at him with anger in her eyes. "What I want? I want to go back six weeks and not go into that building!"

"I know," he said, trying to pull her into a hug. She pulled away. "You should go, Mills. I'm supposed to meet Antonio soon."

"Gabby, let me help you."

"You can't help me! Shay is dead, and when I saw you come back to 51, it just reminded me that Shay will never come back. Don't get me wrong, I am very glad that you're okay, but Shay isn't, and I'll never get over it."

"I'm sorry."

"She should be here, Mills! It's my fault she's dead!"

"Gabby, it wasn't your fault. It was a terrible accident."

"We switched places! I told her to start rescue breaths. That's when the beam came down," she said, crying for the millionth time.

Mills lead her to the couch. "You didn't know the building was going to explode. This is not your fault."

"But she would be here if we hadn't switched! I need her, Mills. There's so much I want to tell her, and she's never coming back!"

"I know, and there's not really anything I can say to make you feel better or to make the pain stop, but I do know Shay loved you. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

Dawson wiped the tears away from her face. "I probably should get going," she said, willing the tears to stop.

"Do you want me to drive you to your brother's?"

"No, I'm okay."

He nodded. "You don't have to do this by yourself. Have you told anyone else about the explosion?"

She shook her head. "I'm scared that Casey will blame me. And Severide... God, he'll hate me."

"He won't hate you. And Casey loves you. I think you'll feel better if you talk to him."

On his way out, she stopped him. "Thank you."

"Anytime you need a friend just let me know."

That night, she woke up in a cold sweat. Since Shay's death, she had nightmares. Most of the time it had to do with the explosion. She would dream about Shay telling her how great she and Casey were or she would dream about their conversation before the beam came down. Other nights, like tonight, she would dream that Shay was alive and was her friend again. She was happy and healthy, just like she should be.

She looked over at Casey, who was still asleep, and then quietly walked into the living room to fix a cup of tea. She was startled when she saw Severide sitting on the couch.

"Hey," she said. "You couldn't sleep, either?"

He shook his head. "I haven't really slept since Shay..." He trailed off.

"Yeah, me neither. Do you want some tea?"

"No thanks. I've been mostly drinking stronger things these days."

"I understand," she said, sitting down next to him. "Do you need anything? You know Casey and I don't care how long you stay."

"Thanks, but there's nothing you all can do. There's nothing anyone can do. I still don't understand," he said, rubbing his hand over his face. "I don't know why it had to be her."

Oh God, Dawson thought. She had to tell him the truth about the explosion.

"Severide, there's something I have to tell you," she said. She just hoped he could forgive her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"What is it?" He asked, worried. Severide knew that she was taking Shay's death hard, but he knew she had Casey. He didn't have the ability to take care of anyone right now.

"Severide, I'm so sorry. It was my fault that Shay died."

"Oh Dawson. No, it wasn't your fault."

"It was!" She screamed. "You don't understand. We switched places."

"What do you mean?"

"I just wanted her to get used to doing things on her own. She was supposed to be the new PIC. I told her to start rescue breaths!" She paused as she wiped the tears off her face.

"We switched places so she could help the patient. That's when the beam came down."

She saw his face, his eyes. They were filled with so much emotion. Misery, sadness, and anger.

"What? So the beam hit Shay right after you switched?"

"Yes. Severide, I'm so sorry." She tried to grab his hand, but he pulled away.

"You're sorry? If you had just stayed in the same spot for 20 more seconds Shay would still be here! My best friend... The most important part of my life was ripped away from me, and it... It would have never happened if you weren't making her prove herself!"

"I just wanted her to know that she didn't need me! I wasn't making her prove herself."

"She looked up to you, Dawson. You were supposed to be her friend. Help her."

"I know, Kelly. I wish more than anything I could go back. She was my best friend, too."

"Just leave me alone, Dawson. Okay? We don't have to act like we like each other anymore. Shay's gone so we can stop pretending." And with that he grabbed his bag that was in the living room and left. Dawson dissolved into a puddle of tears on the floor.

"Shay," she yelled. "It should have been me!"

Casey awoke to Dawson and Severide yelling and then heard the door slam. He got out of bed and walked into the living room to find Dawson crying. He sat down on the couch and pulled her into his arms.

"Tell me what happened."

She pulled away from him and told him the story about switching places with Shay. Every time she talked about it it felt like someone was ripping her heart out.

Casey stroked Dawson's hair and then rubbed her back. "It was an accident. A terrible accident, but Shay wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"I would give anything... I just want my friend back."

"I know," he said, pulling her into his arms again.

"Will you go find Severide?" She asked. "I'm worried about him."

He nodded. "He's pushing everyone away, and that's not what he needs. Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

"I'll be fine."

Casey drove around Chicago trying to find his friend. He went to all the bars Severide frequently visited, but no luck. He went to the firehouse. He hadn't been there either. He went to the last place he could think of, but it was a long shot.

He drove to the house that Shay and Severide had shared, and sure enough, he was sitting on the porch. Casey's heart sank when he saw him. Severide looked so broken and so lost without his other half.

"Kelly," he said, taking a seat next to him, "Why are you here? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Go away, Casey."

"No, I'm not going away. Being here isn't what you need. Come home with me."

"I don't have a home anymore. It's gone. Shay's gone."

"I know that you feel that way-"

He stood up, and walked away from the other lieutenant, anger starting to build up inside him. "Do you? Do you know how I feel? Because from where I'm standing you still have everything. You still have your girl. Did she tell you they switched places? If they hadn't, she would still be here!"

"Don't do this, Kelly. What happened in that building was terrible, but it wasn't anyone's fault."

"Of course you think that! You're glad that Dawson and Shay switched places. Because now you're going to get married and have the perfect life. Shay doesn't get to have that! She doesn't get a happy ending because she died! Casey, she's dead, and I don't know what to do."

He was starting to break down again, but he refused to let Casey help him. He was the last person Severide wanted to around right then. When Casey tried to reach out, he pulled away. He got in his truck and drove away. He guessed he would just spend the rest of the night at the firehouse until it was time for his shift.

During the shift, Casey spent most of his time in his office. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Herrmann could sense that something was off so he went to see if he could help.

"Hey, Casey, is everything okay?"

"No," he said, running his hand down his face.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"I just don't know what to do about Severide. Last night, Gabby told Severide and me about the day the building exploded. Gabby and Shay switched places right before the beam fell."

"Oh God," Herrmann said. "Let me guess, Dawson's feeling really guilty?"

"Yeah. And Severide was so angry. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want my help. He said it all worked out for me because I still have Dawson. And you know what? He's right. I still have her, and I'm so grateful."

"Casey, it's okay to be happy that Dawson's fine. We all miss Shay, but it doesn't mean you can't be happy."

"I just wish I could help Kelly."

"I think he just needs time. You're being a good friend, Casey. And if you need to talk, I'm always here."

"Thanks, Herrmann."

After shift ended, Casey told Dawson he had something to take care of and he would meet her at the house later. He ended up at the cemetery to visit Shay's grave.

"Hey Shay," he said, tracing her name on the headstone. "You know, I don't think I ever gave you enough credit while you were here. You took such good care of Severide and Dawson. I'm trying, Shay, I am, but I'm not doing a very good job. The only thing they really want is you, and I can't give them that. I promise I'll keep trying to take care of them, but I need help. Especially with Kelly. He's miserable, and he misses you so much. We all miss you down here."

He placed his hand on her grace one last time before heading home. "We all still love you, Shay."


	5. Chapter 5

Severide did his best to get through his first shift back at 51. He put all of his focus on being a lieutenant and doing his job, and that worked, at least in the beginning. As the shift went on, he felt himself growing weaker. He kept looking around the house and every time he would remember that she wasn't here.

His last straw was when the new paramedic introduced herself to him. She said she was honored to be on ambulance 61. Why was she talking to him? He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

He went to the locker room and screamed. He kicked his locker, and then looked over at Shay's locker. Of course, it wasn't her locker anymore. It was Brett's. It had her name on it right under Dawson's. It wasn't fair. What made it worse was that everyone had accepted Brett and was acting like everything was okay. No one even acted like they missed Shay.

Anger surged through him again, and this time he punched his locker.

"What did that locker do to you?" Newhouse asked as he walked to his locker.

"Sorry. I'm just not having a great day."

Newhouse nodded. "I get it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine," he said, walking out as Mills walked in. Mills could tell that Severide was struggling.

"He's not handling this very well, is he?"

"No. I realize I don't know him that well, but I think he's trying to avoid dealing with it. And speaking from personal experience, that doesn't work."

"I hate that we can't help him."

"He's going to break soon. He's going it hit rock bottom, and when he does, he's going to need all of us."

Mills stopped by Severide's office to tell him that some of the guys were going to Molly's if wanted to come. He told Mills that he may stop by sometime, but he had plans. His plans were to get drunk at another bar by himself, but he didn't need to know that.

He spent most of the night jumping from bar to bar. He ended up walking towards Molly's because he figured it might help get everyone off his back if he showed up for a few minutes.

Before he walked in saw a man and a woman walking, his arm wrapped around hers. They were laughing and clearly enjoying their night. It made him think of a Shay and their excursions to the bar. It was one of the many reminders that she wasn't here anymore.

He shook his head, trying to make the sadness go away, and then stepped into Molly's. Mills, Cruz, and Otis were hanging out by the counter. They all looked like they were having a good time.

"Severide!" Mills said, "I'm glad you came."

"Can I just have a drink?"

"Sure," Otis said. "How's your night going?"

"It's fine."

He sat there nursing his drink listening to Otis talk about the latest girl he wanted to date as Cruz and Mills laughed and told him she was way out of his league. Severide smiled as he remembered all of Otis's antics and obsessions when he moved in with Shay and him.

_"Are we making a mistake?" Shay asked, seeing the poster Otis put up._

"Severide," Otis said, pulling him out of his memory, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just... Never mind."

As if he could read his mind, Otis said, "We all miss her."

"Can I have another drink?" He asked. He didn't want to talk about Shay.

"I think you've had enough."

He was about to argue when none other than Silvie Brett walked in. He couldn't handle her right now.

"I think I'm going to head out."

Before he could make it out the door, Brett said his name. "Why don't you stay?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Severide," Mills called, running to meet him at the door, "We're just trying to be your friends."

"Don't. I don't need any friends."

He looked at Brett again. She looked so much like Shay, and it made the memories start all over again.

"_I love you, you know."_

_"I love you, too."_

_"We'll figure this out?"_

_"Yeah. Always."_

"I had a friend."

"I know," Mills said.

He remembered Shay's lying on the ground, blood pooling around her head. He remembered giving her CPR, begging her to come back.

"It's not fair."

"I know."

"I couldn't save her. I tried. I gave her CPR, I begged her to come back, but I couldn't. She wouldn't come back. Why didn't she come back?"

"Let me take you home."

Severide didn't acknowledge Mills. "I told Dawson it was her fault, but it was mine. I sent her into that building. She didn't have any protection on."

"No, it wasn't anyone's fault."

"It was!" He screamed. He started to feel dizzy, and he stumbled backwards. Mills and Otis caught him and helped him sit down.

"I was supposed to protect her, and I couldn't." He couldn't say anything else because he was crying.

Otis kneeled down so he was face to face with Kelly. "I know you loved her, but Shay would not want you to blame yourself."

"She was my girl."

"I know. I lived with you all, remember? I know she loved you."

"I miss her, Otis. I just want her to come back."

Otis looked over at Mills, not knowing what else he could say or do to help.

Mills put his hand on Severide's shoulder. "You're staying with Casey and Dawson, right? Let me take you home."

He shook his head. "I yelled at both of them."

"I'm sure they understand.

"I'll call then and tell them," Cruz said.

"Okay," Severide finally agreed. Otis and Mills helped him to his feet, and then walked him out to Mills' car.

After Mills took Severide home, Otis went back into Molly's to close up. Brett was still there helping Cruz clean.

"You can go home. Cruz and I can finish."

She nodded. "Is Lieutenant Severide going to be okay?"

"I don't know," he said. "He and Shay had this crazy bond. It's weird not having Shayveride anymore."

"Shayveride?"

"It's what Otis called Shay and Severide," Cruz said.

"Wow. They even had their own nickname? I feel so bad for him."

"Yeah," Cruz said, "He's never been like this before. Whenever he'd get mad or upset about something, Shay could always talk to him." He shook his head. "Well, we better finish closing. See you next shift, Brett."

"Yeah, see you all later."

Severide was quiet on the ride to Casey and Dawson's. When they got there, Mills parked his car and told him he would be right back.

He knocked on the door, and Dawson answered. "Hey," she said, "is he in the car?"

"Yeah. It's bad, Gabby. I don't know what else I can say to help him."

"Okay. Let's get him inside, and then I'll see what I can do."

Severide was leaning against the the car with his hands in his pockets and his head down. Dawson's heart broke when she saw him. She knew he was miserable, but he looked so lonely.

She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "Dawson," he cried when he saw her. "Dawson, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

She wrapped her arms around around him and he leaned in so his head was against her chest. "It's okay," she said, "We're going to get you through this. It's going to be okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Dawson was able to get Severide to come inside and sit down with her on their couch. She was alarmed by upset he was.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"What are you sorry for?"

"That I yelled at you. It wasn't your fault Shay died; it was mine. You all wouldn't have been in that building if I hadn't called you in."

She reached over and put her hand in his. "It wasn't your fault. We were just doing our jobs."

"But I should have made sure you all had hard hats. I should have protected her. I failed her."

"Listen to me, Kelly Severide, you did not fail her at all. You loved her."

"Not enough to save her."

"Let me tell you something, okay? She was the happiest when she was with you. She would always tell me stories about what you all did and how much fun she had. Her face would light up every time she talked about you. You all had this amazing bond so don't ever think that you failed her."

"I need her, Dawson. I just feel like I've lost everything. And I feel like everyone else has moved on. Like everything's fine. It's not fine."

"I know it seems like everyone has moved on, but they haven't. Those weeks when you were gone... Everyone told stories about Shay. I think now people are just trying to act normal because it helps them deal with it."

"I'm afraid that everyone's going to forget about her. I don't want to forget about her."

"You won't. I promise you that no one will ever forget about Leslie Shay. And if you ever need or want to talk about her, you can come to me."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," she said, giving him a small smile. "I have Casey, and he's helped a lot. I like to look at her picture at the firehouse... Somehow that helps. But being in that ambulance without her? That hurts like hell. I always think about what she would have said or done..."

He nodded. "Yeah. My first shift back I kept looking around for her. I was just hoping..." He shook his head, fighting back tears. "Dawson, have you been to her grave yet?"

"Yeah. I've been a couple times."

"I haven't. That probably makes me a terrible friend, but I just can't bring myself to go there."

"You need to do things in your own time, but I think it might help you. I like going there to talk to her. I can go with you if you want."

"Thanks, Dawson. I think you're the only person who understands."

"I meant what I said, Kelly. You can talk to me whenever you need to. Do you think you can get some sleep tonight."

"I'll try," he said.

He went back to his bedroom leaving Dawson alone in the living room. "Wow Shay," she said to herself, "I don't think you really knew how much we loved you."

Severide eventually fell asleep, and he still sleeping when Dawson woke up the next day. She was making coffee when Casey came home.

"Hey,"she said, greeting him with a kiss. "How's your sister?"

"She's about as good as can be expected. She's trying to be strong for Violet. Did Severide come home last night?"

"Yeah." She paused, debating whether she should tell Casey about her talk with Severide. "He went out with some of the guys, and he just completely broke down. Mills brought him home, and I think I was able to get through to him."

"That's great."

"He's still in a really bad place, and I don't think he'll ever really be the same, but I think he knows that he can talk to me now."

"I'm glad he talked to you. He knows that you loved Shay, too, so hopefully he'll keep reaching out."

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," he said, pulling her into his arms. "I am so lucky that I have you."

Before their next shift, Severide left the apartment before Casey and Dawson. He wanted to have some time by himself. He knew that all the guys we're going to ask him if he was okay, and he needed to prepare himself.

He was right. Cruz, Otis, Mills, and Silvie all asked him how he was, and he responded that he was fine. When they started to go about their day, Severide called out to Mills.

"Hey, I just wanted to thank you for taking me home the other night."

"Sure. Did talking to Dawson help?"

He shrugged. "I guess. I mean, yeah it did. She's the only one who knew Shay like I did, but talking to her about Shay isn't going to bring her back. My best friend is still gone."

Mills nodded. "When my dad died, I was so angry. I didn't understand why my dad had to die, but other firemen- other fathers- got to live. I know it's different, but if you want to talk, or if you just want to hang out- I'm here."

"Thanks."

"Hey Severide," he said, "For what it's worth, I think that Shay was really lucky to have a friend like you."

"No, Mills, I was the lucky one."

When everyone was eating dinner, he snuck out and went to walk the halls. Since his talk with Dawson, he had been building up the courage to go look at Shay's picture.

Leslie Shay. Line of Duty Death.

It took his breath away. He knew what it was going to look like- he had seen Andy's picture many times, but staring at it just made it seem so real. He shook his head. Shay and Death should not be in the same sentence.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and it was Casey.

"People were wondering where you were."

"I just wanted to come look at her picture. I had to."

"Are you okay?"

"I really wish people would stop asking me that."

"Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, Casey."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry I yelled at you before. You were just trying to be my friend."

"You don't have to apologize. But Kelly, please let us help you. The house already lost Shay. We need you."

"I know. I'm working on getting my life back together, but I know it won't ever be the same."

"I know. You have to find a new normal."

"It's just... Part of me still thinks she's going to show up... It's stupid, I know."

"No, it's not stupid."

"Thanks, Casey. You've been great with me and with Dawson, and I know that wasn't easy."

"We're family, Kelly. And family sticks together no matter what."


	7. Chapter 7

The weeks passed and Severide was starting to act more like himself. He was spending time with Casey and the guys, and he had formed a friendship with Dawson. He still had a huge hole in his life and in his heart, but he was learning to live with it. He thought he was doing okay until the day before Shay's birthday.

He spent most of his shift in his office claiming that he had paperwork to catch up on. He had almost made it through the day without falling apart, but after a call he went to sit at the squad table and saw Mills and Brett there.

"Hey Brett, why are you at the squad table?"

"Oh Mills and I were just hanging out. I thought that was okay."

"Paramedics don't sit at the squad table. Mills is still a part of squad."

"Sorry, I didn't think it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal. This table is for squad. Not truck. Not paramedics."

"You didn't even let Shay sit here with you?" As soon as she asked that, she knew she stepped over the line. "I'm sorry, Severide, I shouldn't have said that."

It was too late. That caused all of his emotions that he had been suppressing to come out. "Don't talk about her. You didn't know her. You may look like her, but you're nothing like Shay."

Mills tried to intervene. "Severide, she didn't mean anything by it."

"Stay out of this, Mills."

Mills knew that this was about more than just Brett sitting at the squad table. "Hey, what's going on?"

By this time, Casey, Dawson, and the rest of truck had gathered closer to see what was going on.

"Tomorrow's her birthday," he whispered.

"What?"

"Tomorrow's her birthday," he repeated, "And I don't know what to do."

He looked around and saw everyone looking at him. He couldn't handle it. "I'm sorry," he said, and then he ran off. He didn't want everyone starring at him with looks of pity.

As soon as he left the room, Casey started to chase after him, but Dawson stopped him. "Let me go," she said.

She found him sitting his office starring at the wall. "Hey," she said, "wanna talk about it?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on Brett like that."

"She'll be okay. I'm not really worried about her right now; I'm worried about you."

"Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday. Shay and I would always do something fun."

Dawson smiled. "She loved her birthday. She was so cute the way she would always get really excited about it."

"I just don't know what to do tomorrow. Should I celebrate? Or not? I don't know."

"I don't think there's any right way to do things. I think that if you want to celebrate Shay you should."

"I do. I want to remember her."

"If you want, I could come with you. We could go to some of Shay's favorite places."

"Yeah, I'd like that. They'll be drinks, too, right? Because I will definitely need a few."

"Of course. It wouldn't be a true celebration of Shay without a few drinks."

Dawson looked at him, and she saw the toll that Shay's death had taken on him. He looked tired- he had bags under his eyes- and he had aged a lot in the last couple of months.

"Tomorrow we're going to have fun, okay? Shay wouldn't want us to be sad on her birthday."

"I'll try. Listen, I've got some paper work to catch up on so I think I'm going to hang out back here for a little while."

She nodded, getting the hint that he wanted to be alone. "Okay. I'll leave you alone now. Be thinking about where you want to go tomorrow."

Back in the main area of the firehouse, Brett was apologizing to Mills for how she acted towards Severide.

"I shouldn't have brought it up. I was just tired of him not treating me fairly."

"He's not mad at you. Hey, Casey," he said, getting the Lieutenant's attention, "did you know about this?"

"No, he hasn't talked to me about it. I wish I had known."

"I have an idea. Herrmann, would you be okay with having a party tomorrow at Molly's?"

"Wait," Casey interrupted, "I don't know if that's such a good idea. I don't think Severide will be up for celebrating."

"I think it would be good for him. He worries that people will forget about Shay, and if we have a birthday party for her, it'll show him that we all remember her and still love her."

"It sounds like a good idea to me," Dawson said, joining the conversation. "Severide and I are going to spend the day together. I can bring him to Molly's tomorrow night."

"We can definitely use Molly's," Herrmann said. "We can have all of the proceeds go to a charity or something."

"Shay would have loved that," Dawson said.

"Hey, are you okay?" Casey asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He wasn't buying it. He took her aside and asked her what was going on.

"I forgot," Dawson said, fighting back tears. "I forgot that Shay's birthday is tomorrow. I was so wrapped up in becoming a firefighter that I forgot my best friends birthday."

He pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair trying to comfort her. "It's okay," he said.

"No, it's not. I should have remembered..."

"You know what I think? I think that Shay would be so proud of you for becoming a firefighter. She would want you to be focusing on that."

"I hope so. It would be so much easier with her here. I miss her energy, her laugh, her friendship."

"I know. I do, too. So, you and Severide are going to spend the day together tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we're going to go to some of Shay's favorite places. I thought it would be good for both of us."

"I think so, too. Have fun, okay? That's what Shay would want."

Later that day when Dawson was busy training with Herrmann, he snuck off. He wanted Dawson to have fun tomorrow, and he knew he needed help with that.

He pulled out his phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, Antonio," he said when the detective answered, "how do you feel about going to a party tomorrow night?"

I'm sorry it took awhile to update. I had a hard time deciding where I wanted to go with this story. Stay tuned for the next chapter where some unexpected guests show up to the party at Molly's.


	8. Chapter 8

After Antonio got off the phone with Casey, he gathered the Intelligence unit together. "I just got off the phone with Matt Casey, and for those that don't know him, he's the Lieutenant at Firehouse 51. As most of you know, they suffered a great loss with the death of paramedic Leslie Shay. She was my sister's partner and friend. Her birthday is tomorrow, and they're having a celebration at Molly's. All proceeds are going to a charity, and I think it would mean a lot to them if we went. They need all the support we can give them right now."

Halstead nodded. "Yeah, we'll be there."

"Sounds like a great idea, Antonio," Burgess added.

After everyone went back to work, Lindsay pulled Antonio aside. "I don't know if should go to this party or not. I mean, I'll give money and everything, but Severide and I haven't really talked since Shay's death, and I don't want to upset him by being there."

"I think he'll be glad to see you. Obviously I'm not going to force you to go, but I think that Severide needs his friends now. From what I've heard from my sister and Casey, he's not doing so well."

She nodded. "Maybe I'll stop by. I told him I would support him as a friend so I guess I should be a friend right now."

The members of a Firehouse 51 spent Shay's birthday preparing for the party at Molly's. Mills made a cake and some snacks, Herrmann and Otis cleaned and organized Molly's, and Cruz prepared the music list. Casey was busy that day, too, as he was in charge of what charity to send all of proceeds to. He came up with a great charity, and he hoped Dawson and Severide approved.

Dawson and Severide spent the day visiting her favorite places: restaurants, bars, and walking around the water. She didn't know what she expected, but this hadn't been fun. She could tell Severide was trying, but he wasn't enjoying this day either.

Finally, she said, "I'm sorry I made you do this."

"You're not having fun, either?"

She shook her head. "Why did I think celebrating Shay's birthday would be a good idea? Shay was what made it fun, and now..."

"It's just another reminder that she's not here," he finished.

"Yeah."

"It hasn't been that bad. If I wasn't here with you I'd just be at some bar getting drunk right now."

"You know, I bet Shay is watching us right now, laughing at how pathetic we are without her."

"She was the one that held us all together. I think I took her for granted. I just thought she would always be here."

"I miss her so much," she said, fighting back tears. "No, I told myself I wouldn't cry on her birthday. Do you want to go get a drink?"

"Absolutely."

They headed off towards Molly's. Dawson hadn't told Severide about the celebration in Shay's honor. She thought he would like it, but what if he couldn't handle it? What if she couldn't handle it?

Severide was shocked when he walked into Molly's. Shay's picture was up on the wall, and there was a donation jar set up at the bar. Everyone from 51 was there along with some other firemen from around the city and the Intelligence Unit.

"What's all this?" He asked.

"We wanted to do something for Shay's birthday," Casey said. "We wanted to show everyone that she's still a part of our lives, and we love her and miss her.

He felt the tears starting to come again. "I can't believe you did all this. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. It was Mills's idea. He thought it would be good for you to celebrate her."

He turned to Mills. "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"We have one more gift," Herrmann said, "All of the money that we earn tonight, along with the donations, will be given to the Leslie Shay Memorial Fund. The fund will help families of injured and fallen paramedics."

"Did you know about this?" Severide asked Dawson, who had tears steaming down her cheeks.

"I knew about the party, but I didn't know about the memorial fund."

"We were going to give all of the proceeds to a charity, and then I thought why not create a charity just for her?"

"Thank you, Herrmann," Dawson said, giving him a hug. "Shay would have loved it."

"Yeah, it's wonderful," Severide added.

"It will keep Shay's memory alive," Casey said. "It will let everyone know what a wonderful person and paramedic she was."

It was almost too much for him to take. He appreciated everything they had done, but his heart hurt. He missed Shay more and more each day, and while a memorial fund was nice, it still wouldn't bring his friend back.

Dawson could sense he was overwhelmed so she suggested they get drinks. While they were at the bar, everyone suddenly became quiet. They turned around to see Shay was going on, and they saw Welch and the rest of his firehouse walk in.

"Hey guys, I don't think you all should be here right now," Casey said.

"Yeah, this is a celebration for our Shay. We don't need trouble tonight."

"Relax, we're not here to cause trouble," Welch said. "We just wanted to come by and give you this." He handed Herrmann an envelope with a large sum of money.

"I know that we have our differences, but we are sorry about Shay. Severide," he said, walking over to greet the other lieutenant. "I know that she was your best friend. My best friend almost died this year, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Welch put his hand out, and Severide shook it. "Thanks, Welch."

This was what pushed him over the edge. He didn't hate Welch the way some members of 51 did, but he definitely wasn't Severide's favorite person. The fact that he was being nice was just too much.

He turned to Dawson and said, "I gotta get some air."

"You okay?"

"It's just a lot to take in. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"I'll cover for you."

"Thanks," he said.

He walked outside and sat down on an empty bench. He was very grateful for everything everyone in there had done for him, but it just didn't feel right. Every party or celebration they would have from now on would be missing Shay. That was something he would never get over.

"Severide?" A woman's voice pulled him out if his thoughts.

He looked up and saw Kim Burgess standing next to him. "Do you want some company?"


	9. Chapter 9

He was confused as to why Burgess was out here. She seemed nice from what he had heard and he knew she was a good cop, but he didn't know her very well.

"Did someone force you to come check on me?"

"No. I could tell you were getting a little overwhelmed in there, and I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Why? We barely know each other."

"That's true," she said, taking a seat beside him, "but I know Shay was your best friend. I kind of know what you're going through."

"You do? How?"

"I lost my best friend, too. She was killed by a drunk driver."

He looked at her, stunned. He wasn't expecting her to say anything like that. He stayed silent as she continued.

"We had known each other since we were little, and we were inseparable. We did everything together. When I became a flight attendant, we still talked to each other all the time. One night I happened to be in the city that she lived, and she was coming to pick me up from the airport."

She paused. This was the first time she had told anyone in Chicago about Sarah. It was strange to talk about her with Severide who she barely knew, but she thought her experience may help him.

"I blamed myself for a long time. If she hadn't have been coming to pick me up, she would still be alive."

"But you weren't the drunk driver that hit her. It wasn't your fault."

"I know that now, but it took me a long time to stop feeling guilty. It wasn't my fault that Sarah died just like it wasn't your fault that Shay died."

"How did you know?"

"I've heard things from people. I know that you feel guilty because you called her in there, but it wasn't your fault. You were both just doing your jobs."

"How did you get through it all? I feel like I can barely make it through the day sometimes."

"It took a long time. The pain never really goes away, but you learn to live with it. I can think about her now and not feel sad. I'm thankful that she was in my life even though it was for a short time."

"I know that everyone in there wants to help me, and they have, but I still feel so alone. I loved and trusted Shay more than anyone, and she loved me, too. I don't think I'll ever feel that way about anyone else."

"I know. I pushed people away, too. Eventually I started letting people back in. These people in there? They love you. They'll be there when you're ready to open up again."

"Hey, Burgess," a voice called, and they turned around to see Halstead walking out with Lindsey right behind him. "Rusek's looking for you."

"Okay," she said, turning back to Severide. "If you ever want to talk, just let me know. Or if you just want someone to sit with and not talk, I can do that, too."

"Thanks, Burgess. You actually really helped me."

"I'm glad," she said, walking back into Molly's.

Halstead and Lindsey shared a look as Burgess walked back in, not knowing what Burgess could have said to help the Lieutenant.

"We're getting ready to leave, and we just wanted to stop and see if you needed anything."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Listen, if you need any help with the memorial fund, we'll be glad to help. I know how much Shay meant to all of you."

"Thanks, Halstead. I appreciate it."

Lindsey then stepped forwarded and hugged Severide. She could see that he was still hurting. "Take care of yourself, Kelly," she said.

"I will. You all have a good night," he responded.

Back in the bar, Dawson was looking at some of the pictures of a Shay. Her brother could tell that she was missing her friend right now.

"How are you doing, Gabby?" Antonio asked, putting his arm around her.

"I miss her. There are so many things I want to tell her. It's just not fair."

"I know. I wish that there was something I could do to help you."

"You've been great, Antonio. Everyone has been. And this party, the memorial fund... It's wonderful. So many people loved Shay."

"They did, and she loved you, too. She would want you to be happy."

She nodded. "I know that, but it's hard. I still think about that day, I try not to, but I do, and I wish more than anything..." She couldn't finish because she was crying too hard.

"It's okay," he said, pulling her into his arms. "Shhh... It's okay."

Herrmann spotted Dawson over in the corner and sighed. "Hey, Casey," he said, going over to the lieutenant, who was talking to Otis and Cruz.

"You may want to go check on Dawson. It looks like she's having a rough night. "

"Thanks. Shay's death has really been hard on her."

"It's been hard on everyone," Otis said, watching Severide walk back into Molly's. "I sometimes wonder if 51 will ever be the same."

Severide knew that everyone was getting ready to head home, but he wanted to say something before they left.

"I know that most of you are getting ready to leave, but I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the party, and the memorial fund, and just coming tonight to show how much you loved Shay. She would have loved it. Losing Shay has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and it wouldn't have made it without you all. I know that I haven't been the easiest person to be around, but thank you for not giving up on me."

"I love you, Severide," Dawson said.

"Yeah," Casey agreed, "We've got your back. No matter what."

As everyone started to leave and the guys closed up Molly's, Severide made sure to say goodbye to Burgess as she left.

"Thank you," he said. "Have a good night."

"You, too. I meant it earlier- call me for coffee or something if you need to."

"What was that about?" Rusek asked when they got outside.

"We just have an understanding."

"Should I be jealous?"

"No. Not at all," she said, giving him a kiss. "Remind me sometime to tell you about my friend Sarah."

Back inside Molly's, Casey and Dawson were waiting for Severide so they could go home.

"Want a ride?" Casey asked.

"Sure."

As the three of them walked to Casey's car, Severide realized that he felt better than he had in a long time. Nothing would ever be the same without Shay, but he had Dawson and Casey and the rest of 51. He would always be thankful for them.

I really appreciated all the reviews from the last chapter! For those who don't watch Chicago PD, Burgess is a cop, and she and Antonio are my favorites. I just wanted to incorporate her into this story because I think she's fantastic.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Christmas time, and Firehouse 51 had yet to put up decorations. This didn't sit well with Brett, who wanted her first Christmas in Chicago to be wonderful.

"Come on, Mills," she said on their way back to the firehouse. "Didn't you have big Christmases when you were younger?"

"Yeah, I did. My mom always went all out for my sister and me. But I'm not a kid anymore, and I don't know if anyone will be in the mood to decorate for Christmas. It hasn't exactly been festive around here."

"That's exactly why we need Christmas decorations! It'll put everyone in good mood. Please?"

"Ok," he agreed, "I'll help, but only if everyone else wants to do it."

"Hey guys," Brett said as she and Mills walked into the firehouse, "Who wants to help us decorate for Christmas?"

"I'm out!" Mounch said without looking away from the tv.

"Me, too," Herrmann said. "I just spend hours making my house look like Christmas threw up. I'm not doing that here, too."

"Come on! Will someone help me?" She begged.

"I'll help," Cruz said.

"Me, too," Dawson added.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't act so surprised, Brett. I like Christmas, too. Come on, I know where all the decorations are."

As the guys started putting together the tree, Dawson led Brett to her hiding spot, which was with all the paramedic supplies.

"Shay and I kept everything back here. Well everything that we didn't want the guys to steal."

While Dawson looked for the decorations, Brett studied the pictures of Dawson and Shay that were in some other boxes. The pictures looked like the two paramedics were just goofing off, doing something to pass the time. She put those aside and pulled out some other pictures. These pictures were of Shay and Severide all dressed up. Severide looked happy in the pictures- something that Brett hadn't ever seen.

"I've never seen him look this happy before," she told Dawson.

Dawson smiled. "Shay always brought out the best in him. That was at the firemen's academy."

"She was beautiful. I wish I could have known her."

"She would have liked you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're caring, but you stand up for what you believe in. Just like Shay."

"Dawson, I know that I'm not Shay, and I would never want to replace her, but if you need a friend, I'm here."

She nodded. "We better bring get the decorations out," she said, changing the subject. "The guys are probably wondering where we went."

Dawson and Brett joined the guys and they finished decorating the tree. As they unloaded the last box of decorations, Cruz found a DVD at the bottom of the box. It was labeled "Christmas 2013".

"I wonder what this is. Should we play it?"

Otis immediately insisted they didn't watch it. "It's just a video I made last year. It's not that interesting."

"Oh if you made it then we definitely need to watch it," Cruz said.

"No, really, I don't-" it was too late. Cruz had already popped on the DVD, and Dawson appeared on the screen.

"Otis, really, do I have to do this?" She asked on the video.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad," another voice said, as Shay appeared on the screen.

The entire room froze as soon as they saw Shay. Cruz knew why Otis didn't want them to watch this.

_"Just tell me what you're doing for Christmas," Otis said._

_"I'm going to my parents with Casey, Antonio and my neice and nephew."_

_"And me!" Shay said. "She's letting me spend Christmas with her family. I feel so honored!" She said, laughing._

Severide was outside with the rest of squad when he thought he heard Shay's voice. He froze.

"What's wrong?" Capp asked.

"I just thought I heard- never mind."

Then he heard it again.

He ran into the common room and saw Shay on the tv screen. He was on the screen, too. He had his arm wrapped around her and they were both smiling.

_"He's coming to Dawson's, too. We have to spend Christmas together."_

_"I don't know," he said._

_"You don't have a choice."_

_"You don't," Casey agreed, joining the three of them. "Besides, who else will save me from Dawson's family?"_

_"Hey!" She said, playfully hitting Casey on the arm._

The rest of the room noticed Severide watching the screen, and Cruz jumped up to pause the video. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what was on it."

"It's okay. Actually... Do you care if we watch it again?"

After it ended, Severide could feel the tears forming, but he fought them. "I remember when you made that," he told Otis. "I thought it was dumb, but now... Thank you for making that."

"I'm glad that I did," Otis said.

"Do you care if I keep it?"

"Sure."

He took the disk back to his locker and just starred at it for a few minutes.

"You okay?" Dawson asked.

"I just wasn't expecting to see Shay. It was kind of a shock. I mean, I know she's gone. I know that, but when I heard her voice..."

"I know. It was strange. But in a way it made me happy because I got to see her again."

"It made me happy, too. Videos and pictures are all we have left. They help me remember her laugh, her smile, her eyes. She was so beautiful."

"Stay here for a minute," she said. "I have something for you."

She went back to her hiding spot and brought out the box that had all of the pictures of Shay.

"I found these today when we were looking for the decorations," she said as Severide opened the box.

"Shay and I had our own little hiding spot, and today was the first time I had been back there since she died."

His face lit up as he went through some of the photos. "I can't believe you all kept these. But, Dawson, are you sure you want me to have it?"

"Absolutely. Most of these pictures are of you and Shay anyway. If you want, we can go through them tonight. I can make dinner and we can have drinks."

"I'd like that."

"I laughed at her for keeping all of these. Some of them are so silly... But now I'm so grateful to have them. What would we have done without her?"

Casey then interrupted them. "Hey, sorry, but can you go out there and help Brett? She's trying to finish decorating and Otis and Cruz aren't exactly the artsy type."

"Sure," Dawson said, feeling better than she had in a while. She actually enjoyed talking about Shay, and finding the pictures made he believe that Shay would always be with her.

Christmas Day arrived, and they all had to work. Severide was glad that their shift fell on Christmas because it would help distract him. He wasn't sure if he could have handled being at home without Shay.

Dawson, Mills, and Brett all pitched in a cooked a wonderful Christmas dinner for the firehouse. Everyone took turns talking about their favorite Christmases and what they were doing with their families once the shift ended.

"I love you all," Dawson said. "You are my family. I don't think I would have gotten through these last few months... Losing Shay... Becoming the candidate... Everything... Without your support and friendship. Merry Christmas."

After everyone finished their meals, Casey and Dawson pulled Severide aside to give him their Christmas gift.

"I didn't know that we were exchanging gifts. I didn't get anything for you."

"Don't worry about it," Casey said. "Just open the present."

Severide tore the paper off to reveal framed photos of him and Shay.

"We picked out some of our favorite photos of the two of you. I hope you like it," Dawson told him.

"It's beautiful," he said as he fought back tears. "Thank you so much."

"Merry Christmas, Severide," Dawson said. "We love you."

As Casey and Dawson rejoined the rest of the group, Severide studied the pictures a while longer.

"Shay, you'll never know how much I miss you. I hope that wherever you are, you are having a wonderful Christmas. I love you."


End file.
